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2017 Loser of The Year: CNN



CNN is lost in a disoriented, drunken stumble, lacking directions or the ability to explain themselves to the proper authorities. They’re not sure what’s going on and they have no idea what they’re doing or what to do next. They’re getting locked up in the drunk tank and nobody in the mainstream media even wants to drive down and bail them out. They’ve lost the script. They’re staring deer-like at the camera mouthing “Line?” and the camera guy is just shrugging. It’s arguably the most pitiful breakdown of any major institution in American history.

Isn’t it grand?

The main problem with CNN is that the people who work for the network are not intelligent. Never was this fact on fuller display than during the “Reddit Guy” episode of July 2017.

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President Donald Trump tweeted a meme depicting him bodyslamming a WWE wrestler character with a “CNN” logo over its face. The tweet was well-received by the president’s fans, and it made sense, considering that CNN was embroiled in one of its many ethics scandals after Matt Boyle proved that CNN’s story about Anthony Scaramucci’s Russian ties was bogus, prompting multiple CNN resignations.

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So CNN decided to go on offense. It’s unclear how many editorial meetings were devoted to the plan they hatched, but needless to say it left us all on the edge of our seats. CNN Internet-search specialist Andrew Kaczynski tracked down the person who made the meme on Reddit, CNN reportedly threatened to dox him, and they forced him to apologize.

Kaczynski wrote:

“The apology came after CNN’s KFile identified the man behind “HanA**holeSolo.” Using identifying information that “HanA**holeSolo” posted on Reddit, KFile was able to determine key biographical details, to find the man’s name using a Facebook search and ultimately corroborate details he had made available on Reddit. On Monday, KFile attempted to contact the man by email and phone but he did not respond. On Tuesday, “HanA**holeSolo” posted his apology on the subreddit /The_Donald and deleted all of his other posts.”

It was like a Jason Bourne movie!

CNN then bragged about this on the air, seemingly convinced that Middle America would rally behind them for intimidating the Reddit guy into hiding. “Remarkable!”

Of course, this “remarkable” work by the CNN investigators simply unleashed an Apocalypse of CNN-getting-bodyslammed memes. They basically poked the hornet’s nest of the Internet with Kathy Griffin’s severed-Trump-head statue. The Internet responded in kind.

Who is leading this pack of blind people through traffic? In many respects, the face of their organization is a man named Jim Acosta, the CNN White House “reporter.” Mr. Acosta tried to debate Stephen Miller on immigration policy. That didn’t turn out well for him. Mostly, because Acosta apparently thought a poem written on the Statue of Liberty was binding law.

Jim Acosta was clearly not very happy with the result of this debate. So he went on a sad little Twitter rant quoting the poem on the Statue of Liberty.

It’s probably best for clear-thinking Americans that these are the people CNN chooses to employ. They do more damage to themselves than Trump supporters ever could. Would we rather wrangle with Noam Chomsky about socioeconomic history or just smack down the guy who thinks a poem is a law? It’s easier this way.

CNN chief Jeff Zucker and his team don’t understand news media. They understand it just enough to lose at it. They get, on some level, that they’re supposed to be anti-Trump crusaders in order to keep liberal viewers riled up and corner that market share. But what they don’t understand is that if you go after the enemy incompetently and lose time and time again, that market share will turn on you for making matters worse. To be a liberal watching this pabulum, so I’ve heard, is to contort one’s face into a permanent cringe.

Fox News is almost tripling these clowns in the ratings, and nowadays people just kind of shrug when CNN says something. “Eh, it’s just CNN.” They have less credibility in news than Courtney Love.

It all makes sense, considering Don Lemon literally ended last year drunk on the air. The rest of the cast just kind of kept that vibe going.

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