California Regulates Cow Farts, Texas Ag Chief Says Cows ‘Can’t Fart’

SACREMENTO, CALIF. — The “Golden Gate” state is now regulating cow farts in an effort to stop disproven and nonexistent global warming (now referred to as “climate change”), according to reports.

The California Air Resources Board is making the new anti-fart measures the centerpiece of its climate change plan. “If we can reduce emissions of methane, we can really help to slow global warming,” said Ryan McCarthy, a science adviser for the California Air Resources Board, which is drawing up rules to implement the new law.

Sid Miller, Texas Commissioner of Agriculture and close friend of Pres. Donald J. Trump, thinks the whole policy is nonsense — but not for the reasons you might expect. Miller thinks the policy is absurd, because cows are scientifically incapable of farting … the end.

“Well the jokes on them. Cows are ruminates, which have four stomachs. Ruminates can’t fart, impossible. No cow has ever farted. Problem solved,” Miller told Big League Politics.

Miller continued:

Texas leads the nation in cattle production, twice as many as the second-place state. You want to take on Texas cowboys ? Come on, give it your best shot.

As reported by Associated Press (AP):

Livestock are responsible for 14.5 percent of human-induced greenhouse gas emissions, with beef and dairy production accounting for the bulk of it, according to a 2013 United Nations report.

Since the passage of its landmark global warming law in 2006, California has been reducing carbon emissions from cars, trucks, homes and factories, while boosting production of renewable energy.

In the nation’s largest milk-producing state, the new law aims to reduce methane emissions from dairies and livestock operations to 40 percent below 2013 levels by 2030, McCarthy said. State officials are developing the regulations, which take effect in 2024.

California is on track to transfer the rest of its clinging industries to the Lone Star State, due to increased taxation, new costly regulations, and recent mandatory increases in overtime pay — all of which together will force many California dairies to shut down. A full 1,800 businesses were leaving California and a majority were destined for Texas, as of December, 2018.

For socialists in New York — the human plight is less important than getting cow farts down to a reasonable level. Said U.S. Rep. Alexandria Oscasio-Cortez in an initial outline of her “Green New Deal,” they plan to “set a goal to get to net-zero, rather than zero emissions, in 10 years because we aren’t sure that we’ll be able to fully get rid of farting cows and airplanes that fast.”

The language was later changed to “emissions from cows.”

And why must California agriculture pay such a heavy price in lost production, jobs, and profit? Because the UN says that 2016 is the warmest year on record. Presumably, Americans are expected to respond with horrified shrieks and “Chicken Little” paranoia. There’s just one problem with the UN’s “if a, then b” scare tactic: we’ve heard it all before, the last time they said it’s the “warmest year” on record; and what followed, was a 16-year cooling trend, featuring record cold temps logged by NASA satellites.

It was the 2001 IPCC Third Assessment Report (TAR), which claimed the 1990s was likely to have been the warmest decade and 1998 the warmest year during the past 1,000 years. Then, it got cold — and the UN put the “warming” claims on ice.

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