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Campaign 2020

FITTING: Creepy Porn Lawyer Endorses Creepy Joe Biden

The creeps are sticking together!

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Michael Avenatti, the lawyer who previously represented adult film star Stormy Daniels and received the moniker Creepy Porn Lawyer on “Tucker Carlson Tonight”, has endorsed the nascent campaign of former Vice President Joe Biden, who has been accused of making women and children feel uncomfortable with physical contact.

Avenatti, who once had his own aspirations of running for president, fully endorsed Biden on his locked Twitter account earlier today.

“I am extremely happy that has decided to enter the race,” wrote Avenatti. “He offers Dems the very best chance in 2020, especially in key states. He has the fight, intelligence and fortitude to beat Trump and begin to make America, America again.”

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“He has my enthusiastic support.”

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Avenatti earned the nickname “Creepy Porn Lawyer” while appearing on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” in an attempt to trash President Donald J. Trump and defend his client, Stormy Daniels, who went on to lose her lawsuit against the president.

The legally embroiled lawyer is currently facing criminal charges for various crimes over the last several years, including failure to pay taxes, keeping his clients’ money improperly, and extortion.

Meanwhile Biden, of course, has been accused of being “creepy” by several women.

One Latina Democrat claims she was unnerved when Biden approached her from behind, sniffed her hair, and whispered into her ears. After the woman told her story to the media, several more women came forward to accuse Biden of improper physical contact.

In a strange move, Biden went on to joke about the accusations on stage, in what many considered a tone deaf attempt at humor.

This represents perhaps the most fitting endorsement of the 2020 campaign thus far: Creepy Porn Lawyer endorsing Creepy Joe Biden. At this point, the only remaining question is whether Biden will choose Radiohead’s “Creep” as his campaign song to bring the irony home.

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Campaign 2020

DESPERATION: Never Trumpers Float Romney/Bloomberg as ‘the Unity Ticket America Deserves’

How pathetic are these guys?

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The “Never Trump” brain trust over at The Bulwark has unveiled their antidote to stop the President they hate so much in this year’s election: a “unity ticket” consisting of Sen. Mitt Romney (R-UT) as a presidential candidate and former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg as his running mate.

Author Neal Simon made the argument that this potential third-party ticket would appeal to independents in an op/ed published on Monday.

“Senator Romney’s entrance into the presidential race wouldn’t just give the vital center of the electorate a home—it would stand a chance to break a system that is stacked against independents and third party candidates,” Simon argued.

He compared Romney’s potential to that of French President Emmanuel Macron, the reviled ruler who has populist Yellow Vest protesters rioting against his unpopular style of governance every weekend.

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“And as Emmanuel Macron showed in France, standing up a new party and winning a presidential election in one motion is not impossible,” Simon wrote.

Simon posited that by putting Bloomberg on his ticket as Vice President, Romney could essentially buy the election, which is what Bloomberg is basically trying to do right now with his run for the Democratic presidential nomination.

“A Romney-Bloomberg ticket would be a first in modern American politics: A bipartisan unity ticket running under the banner of an independent third party,” he wrote.

Simon’s premise is predicated off of an assumption that Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) will win the Democrat presidential nomination. He believes that populism taking over the Republican and Democrat parties would open the door for a centrist revolution that could be led by Romney and Bloomberg.

“It would give both disgruntled Republicans who feel their party has become lost in Trump’s personality cult and Democrats who feel their party is lurching too far left towards a socialist revolution a voice on the ballot that reflects a popular idea of how the country should be run,” he concluded.

Simon, who was a failed independent candidate in the state of Maryland for the U.S. Senate in 2018, recently published a book titled, “Contract to Unite America: Ten Reforms to Reclaim Our Republic.” He is using the words of George Washington in his manifesto to defeat the new age of populist politics and return to the days of old.

“Capitalizing on personal insight derived from Simon’s political campaign along with extensive research, Contract to Unite America provides specific, practical solutions for an improved government and a better tomorrow,” Simon’s book description reads.

Unfortunately for Simon and the “Bulwark” neocons, the public has had enough of status quo politicians and does not want to return to the George W. Bush era. The dream ticket of Romney/Bloomberg is not likely to come to fruition.

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