Nancy, There’s Still A Commercial Flight You Can Catch To Afghanistan
Luke Rohlfing
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Dearest Nancy,
All of us here at Big League Travel are devastated to hear of the evil orange President cancelling your trip today. But thankfully, there is still time to make the trip, and that’s why we’re here.
Reviewing your options, we are able to get you to Afghanistan on a flight departing tonight. But I can already tell that a woman with your expensive tastes, and at least $29 million in net worth, won’t be interested due to the lack of First Class accommodations. It’s laughable to imagine an elite like you sitting next to peasant foreigners.
Regardless, that option is pictured below, costing $1,675. If you choose this option, we can send you a cab, something you likely haven’t ever seen the inside of. It lands just outside of scenic Kabul, Afghanistan. You can meet some of the very people your pals Bush and Obama spent their time in office “liberating.” I’m sure they’ll love you! Everyone there is so friendly.
But if you’re the elite power-player we know you are, there is one more option.
The Rolls Royce of travel to the Middle East is through Emirates Air. You don’t even need to interact with the icky poor people, considering you have a private section cut off from them, and private entrance to the plane! And the best part is that it only costs $29,000! That’s nothing for somebody with multiple multi-million dollar homes.
This might be your best option, especially with your flight leaving tomorrow at 10:25 AM, giving you some time for some well deserved sleep. It must take a lot of energy making all the excuses you have to come up with for not building a wall.
We’d like to move forward with finalizing your travel arrangements, so we look forward to hearing back from you. The government may be shut down, but Big League Travel is at your service Madam Speaker.
Sincerely,
Luke Rohlfing
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