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PROGRESS: Arby’s Carrot-Shaped Meat Products to Make Vegetables Obsolete

Science isn’t so bad after all!

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The fast-food giant Arby’s, whose signature slogan “We Have the Meats” is an affront to vegans worldwide, has unveiled their newest concoction that will make omnivores squirm: carrot-shaped meat products.

Arby is calling these products “megetables,” and they plan to unveil more in the days to come. There are no plans as of yet to sell the items in stores, but these are their counter to fast-food giants adopting plant-based alternatives to corner the namby pamby market.

The first they have released to the public is the “marrot,” which is a meat product that is fashioned out of turkey breast sliced and shaped to look like a carrot.

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It is then rubbed with a marinade made of dried carrot juice powder and decorated with maple syrup powder.

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After it is oven-roasted for a full hour, it is garnished with parsley so it looks like a real carrot.

The company boasts the nutritional value of the product, as it accounts for 70 percent of an individual’s recommended daily portion of vitamin A with more than 30 grams of protein to promote muscle growth.

It clearly offers more nutritional value than its now obsolete predecessor, the carrot.

“Plant-based meats are the latest incarnation of making vegetables look like what Americans really want, which is great, tasty meat,” said Jim Taylor, Arby’s chief marketing officer in a blog released by the company.

Arby’s calls what they do “meat craft,” and they have assembled some of the greatest minds in the world to push the envelope on how meat products can be prepared for the masses.

“We want to continue to innovate in the space of meat craft that never existed before in ways that are surprising and delicious and exceed the expectations of what you can get through a drive-thru,” Taylor said.

Right now Burger King is getting ready to offer “Impossible Whoppers” on their menu with meat removed from their most popular burger.

Meanwhile, Tim Hortons is offering “Beyond Meat” patties in certain sandwiches, and McDonald’s has a meatless burger on their menu in German locations.

Arby’s does not intend to give into this anti-American trend, and will continue in the opposite direction.

They intend to finally give science a good name and make vegans suffer with their new innovations in meat craft.

Big League Economics

AMERICA FIRST: President Trump Fires Tennessee Valley Authority Chairman After Drive to Fire American Workers, Replace With H-1B’s

America First!

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President Donald Trump announced his intention to fire the CEO of the Tennessee Valley Authority on Monday, citing the federally owned company’s recent track record of firing its American workers and seeking to replace them with cheaper, outsourced H-1B visa workers.

The President confirmed that he would secure the resignation of TVA CEO Skip Thompson, either through the federal company’s board, or through his own authority. The TVA is the nation’s largest federally owned corporation, created in Great Depression to provide electrical and public works services to a large region of Appalachia and the American South. TVA’s recent firing of 200 American workers had represented a stark departure from its original mission of providing gainful and useful employment opportunities in what remains one of the poorer regions of the country.

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Thompson had raked in a salary of $8,000,000 dollars a year as the TVA enacted a firing campaign of its own workers, setting off alarms about executive greed within the publicly chartered company’s leadership.

The President made the announcement following a meeting with US Tech Workers, a pro-American worker organization that has been publicizing rampant greed and corrupt hiring practices in corporate America and the technology industry. Tech Workers recently highlighted the TVA’s replacement of its skilled American workforce with H-1B subcontractors, who provide cheaper labor at the cost of a reduced skill set and poorer services.

Tennessee Valley Authority Firing American Workers, Replacing With Cheaper H1B Labor

At the meeting with US Tech Workers, President Trump also signed an executive order punishing greedy outsourcing practices on the part of companies that receive taxpayer dollars through federal contracts. The new executive order entails oversight over federal contractors by the Department of Labor, which will audit companies for illegal H-1B replacement of American workers.

The TVA caved to the federal pressure immediately, making an announcement that the company would be reversing its recent firing of 200 American workers in favor of H1B replacements shortly after the President addressed the issue.

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