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PROGRESS: Arby’s Carrot-Shaped Meat Products to Make Vegetables Obsolete

Science isn’t so bad after all!

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The fast-food giant Arby’s, whose signature slogan “We Have the Meats” is an affront to vegans worldwide, has unveiled their newest concoction that will make omnivores squirm: carrot-shaped meat products.

Arby is calling these products “megetables,” and they plan to unveil more in the days to come. There are no plans as of yet to sell the items in stores, but these are their counter to fast-food giants adopting plant-based alternatives to corner the namby pamby market.

The first they have released to the public is the “marrot,” which is a meat product that is fashioned out of turkey breast sliced and shaped to look like a carrot.

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It is then rubbed with a marinade made of dried carrot juice powder and decorated with maple syrup powder.

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After it is oven-roasted for a full hour, it is garnished with parsley so it looks like a real carrot.

The company boasts the nutritional value of the product, as it accounts for 70 percent of an individual’s recommended daily portion of vitamin A with more than 30 grams of protein to promote muscle growth.

It clearly offers more nutritional value than its now obsolete predecessor, the carrot.

“Plant-based meats are the latest incarnation of making vegetables look like what Americans really want, which is great, tasty meat,” said Jim Taylor, Arby’s chief marketing officer in a blog released by the company.

Arby’s calls what they do “meat craft,” and they have assembled some of the greatest minds in the world to push the envelope on how meat products can be prepared for the masses.

“We want to continue to innovate in the space of meat craft that never existed before in ways that are surprising and delicious and exceed the expectations of what you can get through a drive-thru,” Taylor said.

Right now Burger King is getting ready to offer “Impossible Whoppers” on their menu with meat removed from their most popular burger.

Meanwhile, Tim Hortons is offering “Beyond Meat” patties in certain sandwiches, and McDonald’s has a meatless burger on their menu in German locations.

Arby’s does not intend to give into this anti-American trend, and will continue in the opposite direction.

They intend to finally give science a good name and make vegans suffer with their new innovations in meat craft.

Big League Economics

As Biden Eyes “Transition Away” From Fossil Fuels, Pennsylvania is Second-Largest Natural Gas Producer in US

Destroying Pennsylvanian jobs.

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Joe Biden’s announcement that he plans on a “transition away” from the use of fossil fuels as an energy source may not go over smoothly with the people of Pennsylvania- a state that has scored as the second largest producer of natural gas anywhere in the country.

Joe Biden admitted at the Thursday debate that he plans to “transition away from the oil industry,” citing pollution.

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The United States Energy Information Administration identifies a considerable 20.0% of national natural gas production as coming from the state of Pennsylvania, making it the second biggest producer behind Texas. The state punches well above its weight in doing so, producing almost as much natural gas as Texas despite having less than half of its population.

Biden has sought to dismiss his track record of support for the banning of fracking oil extraction, employing a similar thinly veiled rhetorical trick by stating he’d only decline to allow any new fracking.

The energy industry continues to be a source of gainful, family-supporting employment for over ten million Americans. It’s not an option to “transition away” from the use of fossil fuels in the immediate future- a fact Biden tacitly admitted to after the debate suggestion, perhaps indicating that he realized the political folly of the statement.

A study from the American Petroleum Industry indicates that more than 322,000 Pennsylvanians are employed by the natural gas industry that Biden wants to transition away from.

Pennsylvania is shaping up as the most critical swing state in the election, and in nearly every plausible election night scenario the winner of the state’s 20 electoral votes secures the 270 needed to win the election.

Perhaps Joe Biden should transition away from national politics, and leave policy answers relating to carbon emissions, the environment and a strong energy industry to those more considerate of the role of the natural gas industry in Pennsylvania and around the country.

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