Not the Onion: Forbes Thinks Space is ‘Littered With Dead Aliens’ Killed by Climate Change

Even as this reporter covers the insanity of the mainstream press daily, and even after having written a book on the subject (which will be released July 16), sometimes there are news stories so absurd that I still shake my head.

Enter Forbes‘ Dec. 31 story, titled “Galaxy May Be Littered With Dead Aliens Blindsided By Natural Climate Change.”

My first thought was that the piece was satire: I mean, the Climate Cult is insane, but not this insane. After scouring the web page for anything that might indicate the piece is anything other than a serious news article, I came up empty. Really.

“On the cusp of yet another trip around the Sun, I found myself wondering how many alien civilizations within this sector of our Milky Way might have already come and gone? That is, bitten the dust due to wholly natural climate change long after their planet had sung its last Auld Lang Syne?” wrote aerospace and astronomy reporter Steve Dorminey.

The mainstream press has sunk so low in its climate fear-mongering as to speculate about whether aliens – of which there is no proof of existence – died of climate change on their home planets – of which there is also no proof of existence.

Did Xenu the alien on planet Xorton die from climate change? According to Forbes, probably.

“As stars age, their luminosity increases over billions of years, causing their habitable zones — the zones in which a terrestrial planet can have liquid water at its surface — to expand outward. Thus, extraterrestrial intelligence that happened to evolve on planets at the inner edges of their solar systems’ habitable zones might initially blossom into technological civilizations. But as their star’s luminosity increases over time, their planet would suffer a hellish, climatological holocaust,” the article said. 

According to Forbes, the key to this unbelievable – and I mean that in the true sense of the word – conjecture is actually the planet Venus.

“If we didn’t have our Venus, some of my colleagues have said that then an advanced runaway greenhouse would have been extremely difficult to predict,” University of California – Riverside astrophysicist Stephen Kane, reportedly said.

But since we have Venus, obviously there is no question that earthlings will face the same fiery climate change demise as the non-existent space aliens.

“Would alien civilizations living on their own Venus-type planets be helpless in staving off this inevitable climate change? Or could they geo-engineer their way out of an eventual runaway greenhouse?” the piece wondered.

“If so, Kane says it would need to be a coordinated planet-wide effort. He says this would entail not just extracting carbon dioxide (CO2) from a Venus-like atmosphere, but also storing it in a way that is sustainable,” it continued.

And there you have it. On the off chance that Venus was once inhabited by space aliens and erased by climate change, you, the American taxpayer, better fork over your paycheck to the unelected bureaucrats at EPA, or God knows who, so that we don’t go the way of Xenu and his alien friends. And we must begin the “coordinated planet-wide effort” yesterday or it will be too late.

The press is beyond parody.

Follow Peter D’Abrosca on Twitter: @pdabrosca

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